Mailbag: My Feedback to Your Insightful Questions and Comments

Mailbag: My Feedback

to Your Insightful

Questions and Comments

By Elizabeth

I’ve been writing blog posts for several months now and I have read every question and comment you’ve written on each one.

Your comments are so insightful!

And they often lead me to consider new perspectives on the subject at hand.

So today, I decided to pull together a few of your questions and comments and respond to them directly.

Please let me know (in the comments) if this is something you’d like to see more of.

It can be so useful to engage in direct dialogue about the issues we explore here, from the relationship between self-care and pro-age perspectives to conflict resolution and mental health to seasonal skincare routines and beyond!

“I have a family member who doesn’t fight fair…”

In response to our post “How to Embrace Healthy Conflict,” Christine wrote:

“I have a family member that attacks me personally by name-calling or saying hurtful things rather than sticking to the subject of the conflict. They don't ‘fight fair.’ It makes it impossible to resolve issues or discuss them. Any suggestions or a script to keep things on track in a respectful way? We are adults in our 40s and 50s. I honestly am at a loss because the majority of adults realize that this type of behavior isn't acceptable. Thanks in advance!”

First off, thank you, Christine, so much for this thoughtful question.

I think many of us can relate to the struggle of dealing with a friend or family member who, as you put it, doesn’t “fight fair.”

When people are pressed emotionally, sometimes they retreat to a childlike posture. It can be very difficult to handle those encounters with integrity.

You don’t want to resort to their immature tactics—name-calling, etc.—but you also want to hold your own boundaries and treat yourself with respect.

My advice is to generate, in advance, a line of dialogue or two that lovingly but firmly reflects your position on the issue or conflict at hand.

Then, when you’re engaging in conversation with this person, keep an open mind.

Listen to what they have to say and respond accordingly, but when you feel that switch flip and they start name-calling or saying hurtful things, go to your prepared lines.

Think of these as a conversational home base.

It’s a safe place for you and, in truth, a gift for this other person, too because you don’t get spun out into mutually destructive dialogue, which doesn’t serve anyone.

“When someone is frustrated, I do this…”

In response to our post “How I Reclaimed My Rhythm,” cgtravel passed on this great piece of advice:

“One of my favorite things to do, when I sense someone frustrated or in a bad mood, is to stop and say something nice, whether it’s a harried mom with a little one, or a check-out clerk, or a nurse at the hospital. I love to see their mood change. Something else I always do is call a manager after being treated especially great at a restaurant and let them know about that employee. They are always so grateful, and I think they get a million negative complaints!”

I just wanted to call this out. In emoji language, I’d like to give this a heart, a celebration face and an applause symbol! ❤️🥳👏

We never know how powerful a simple act of kindness can be. As cgtravel points out, so much of our attention goes to things that are wrong.

It’s called the negativity bias, and it’s something I should write a more detailed post about in the future. (Thanks for the inspiration!)

By choosing to engage in small acts of kindness and choosing to draw attention to things like good service, you help lift the energy of everyone around you, including yourself.

“I’m turning 60 and having a hard time with that number…”

In response to “Finding Perfection in Imperfections,” Mary wrote, in part: “I’m turning 60 in three months and having a hard time with that number. The Boom blog helps my insides like your products help my outside!”

First I just want to say, thank you so much for this great comment.

We love that you love Boom products, and we love that the blog helps the insides match the beautiful outsides!

I’d also like to say: happy birthday! What a gift to be celebrating 60 years of this life. Numbers carry so much weight in our society.

The number of candles on the cake, the number of pounds on the scale, the number of dollars in our bank accounts—we are told these numbers have the power to define who we are and how we should feel about ourselves.

I don’t find it helps to aggressively resist these arbitrary, external, often sexist and ageist perspectives—the more I resist them the more power they seem to gain. Instead, I try to hold them lightly.

What does that look like?

Every time your mind starts to bug you with that negative self-talk about the big 6-0, try lovingly pausing and saying out loud a kind thought about yourself or your life.

The best antidote for negativity is love.

Want to see more mailbag posts like this one, where I respond to your questions? Let me know in the comments! Or have more questions or comments for me? Feel free to drop them below.

Elizabeth is a journalist who has been writing about health, beauty and wellness for over 20 years. She lives in Northern New Mexico with her two dogs and several hundred trees, shrubs, bushes and succulents.