How to Fight Fair and Other Strategies for Healthy Conflict

From little things, like where to go for dinner, to big life decisions, like where to live, when you have others involved in your life, conflict is inevitable.

Some people are conflict-avoiders who go along to get along. Other people thrive on or even seek out conflict.

Living at either end of this spectrum can lead to stress, resentment and damaged relationships.

On the other hand, learning how to manage conflict in healthy ways can improve your mental and physical health, increase your confidence and build trust in your relationships.

Below we share four tips to help you engage in healthy conflict at home, among friends or at work.

1. Don’t wait or ruminate.

The best way to address a conflict is quickly.

Waiting increases the chance that emotions will build until they explode.

Acting fast keeps the emotional load low, making it easier to resolve the conflict.

2. Fight fair.

Stomping, yelling, name-calling or slamming doors are all behaviors that tend to either shut the other side down or invite matching energy.

If your emotions tend to get the better of you, try working from a prepared script.

Preparing a statement, or even just an outline, helps you say what you want and need to without devolving into these behaviors. You can even practice it ahead of time with someone you trust.

3. Don’t assume.

When we’re hurt and let that fester, we tend to create stories that reinforce our pain and anger.

They did that because they don’t like me. He wants me to feel this way. She’s just a mean person.

These kinds of assumptions make it harder to approach the issue calmly, find a resolution and build trust.

Try to resist the temptation to assume motives or intentions. Recognize that the other person may have a reason for doing or saying what they did for other reasons beyond harming you.

4. Embrace compromise.

It’s helpful to go into a conflict with reasonable expectations. Resolving conflict successfully often involves compromise.

If you go into the conflict expecting something between the best and the worst outcome, you’re likely to be happier with the solution. See compromise as a win, rather than getting exactly what you want.

When you approach conflict with healthy techniques and the right attitude, you’ll always be happy with how you handled it. We hope these tips will help you do it.

Are you a conflict-avoider or a conflict-lover? How do you handle conflict in your personal life?